People working at Digital, Advertising, PR and Media agencies have a tough job. While on one hand, they are always on constant pressure to churn out eyeball-grabbing content and make and sell a brand, on the other hand, dealing with a client can get tedious. The clients are usually marketing heads or just business managers from the company with very little knowledge of how the creative stuff works.
While woe be the client servicing folks, they sometimes let in on some of the most hilarious or WTF things said by their clients to them.
1. Brief lapse of logic
Client: “I want the ad up by tonight”
Me: Ok, what’s the brief?
Client: Brief will come tomorrow, just get the ad up by tonight”
2. Why is the demon smiling?
Client: “This is a Dusshehra ad! Why is the Ravan smiling in it? He is about to be burnt. Can you make him look scared and terrified?”
3. Clients Expectations VS Client Budget
Client: “I need to design a mobile app. How much will you charge?”
Me: “Well, it depends on the requirement of the project, number of pages etc. It’s a process… there’s user research, prototyping…”
Client: “Nah, I don’t need all that, I have already done the UX research and study of the app myself and have drawn the app screens too, so you hardly have any much work to do, it’s going to be very easy for you. How much will you charge?”
4. How much time on my email?
Client: “Tell me something, if we send an emailer to customers, will I know how much time each person has spent?
Me: “Yes once he lands onto the embedded landing page we can get to know through Google Analytics.
Client: “No. When he opens the mailer I want to know quantitatively how much time he spends on my mailer on which part & why”.
5. The format too fancy
Client: “Dude, please send the logo file.”
Me: “Sure sir. Which format?”
MCS: “Oh, I don’t know. Nothing fancy.”
6. Getting personal with the targeting?
Me : So let’s start with defining TG
Client: Male and Female…both…..kids too!
Me : Can we be more specific?
MCS : Meaning?
Me : Meaning their age, interests, income groups, demogra….
MCS : ohohoo gaddi rok kaake! Ab tu name-surname bhi poochega?
7. Got an image to maintain
Client: *sends a Low resolution JPEG.*
Me: “Send us the design in coreldraw format”
*Few moments later we receive the coreldraw file with the SAME JPEG in the file.*
8. Going bananas
*On a con-call with the client who wants us to give names for bananas based on their size, taste, and all the other properties. *
Client: “You know, the banana bunch has big, medium and small bananas. The big bananas are basically big on everything; the health, the hunger and the size, of course. Usually, the North Indians prefer big bananas because of the climate.
Middle sized bananas are used by common people. (Used? I thought the only use of bananas was to EAT! Anyway).
And as you know, small bananas are for small children, because their hunger is small and even their mouth.
So, can you come up with some names?”
Client: Do You know Alexa.com
Client: Do you use paid or free version
Me: I can provide ComScore data
Client: What is that?
Me: Analytics tool, better than Alexa
Client: Share the stats. How many impression they deliver monthly.
10. An image that does magic
Client *after sharing a print ad for banner adaptation* : “Can you make the girl turn around and walk towards the guy? When the user clicks!”
11. Size matters
Client: Need a high res version of my design. 300dpi.
Me: Sure no problem, what size?
Client: told you, 300dpi.
Me: Yes, that’s resolution. I meant dimension.
Client: Oh I don’t know. A JPG? But it must be 300dpi….
Me: Ummm…What you need it for?
Client: It’s going on my website.
Me: There’s really no need for it to be 300dpi. Web serves 72dpi better.
Client: Can’t you just do what I ask?
Me: But if the file is 300dpi, it may be too big and take a long time to load on the screen.
Client: I don’t care, just do it. I know what I’m talking about.
*Sends over the file. Time passes*
Client: “This file is far too big, it takes forever to load. Make the file size smaller, BUT KEEP IT 300DPI.”
12. The writing is on the wallpaper
Client: “The wallpaper you have sent is getting stretched on my screen. I’ve measured the size of my screen, please make the wallpaper in that size.. It’s 30 cm width and 17 cm in height.”
13. Do you even Excel in powerpoint, bro?
Client: Send me media plan in excel, we don’t like it in powerpoint.
Me: Ok, no problem- sent you in excel.
Client- Media plan in excel sucks, do one thing paste the excel figures in ppt and send me again!
14. Turn this into an open file!
Client: “Can you please check your email. I’ve sent a creative another agency had created for us six months back. I want you guys to urgently send me the open files of that creative in the next half an hour.
Me: But we have not worked on this then how will we have the open files for it.
Client: Please don’t try to fool me, I know Photoshop gives you open files for any creative very quickly.
15. If you like it, put an ad on it
Client: “Put a banner ad on Wikipedia because it appears first on search result and it is free of cost.”
16. “Y U No Keep Secret?”
Me: So what’s the budget you have for this?
Client: “Saare raaz jaanne hain aapko pehli he meeting me?”